So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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