I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
