oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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