so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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