Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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