After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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