seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Randomize
