I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
