Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
