i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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