How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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