so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
