Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
