"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
