hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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