3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize