i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
