She told me I should be a condom model.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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