My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
as a side note pls kill me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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