i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
