She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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