Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
