Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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