after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
