had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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