Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
