It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
