New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
