i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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