I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
