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im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
