I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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