How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
