So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
