smell my finger.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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