look no pants
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
