I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
