I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
