are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
