I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
