Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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