My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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