Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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