haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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