if you like me you must not know who I am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
