I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
