Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize