I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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