Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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