I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize