every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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