can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
