the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize