I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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