Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
