i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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