yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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