just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize