She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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