whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
