Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
