I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
