just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Small penises have feelings too.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize