this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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