Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
