how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
