I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My cat gives me a boner
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
