"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
