One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
