Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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