Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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