woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
