we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
