He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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