ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
