Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
