Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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