What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
