I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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