He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
