I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
