Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize