I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
