the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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