I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
