Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
