Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
