So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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