theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
