his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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