I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
