It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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