Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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