Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize