I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
