Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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