He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
