Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
