i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
