you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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