his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
